10. Scottie Pippen
9. Klay Thompson
8. Robert Horry
7. Pistol Pete Maravich
6. Luka Doncic
5. Wilt Chamberlain
4. Keith Closs
3. Anthony Bennet
2. Charles Barkley
1. Ty Lue (GOAT)
Author: Sincere Review
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Background :
An energy drink is a bundle of joy that contains stimulants, usually caffeine. Caffeine makes you go go go, and then crash crash crash. If you don’t get the sugar free versions, they also contain enough sugar to feed a family of 12 for 2 weeks.
Supposedly, caffeine enhances your reaction time and ability to pay attention. To test this out with your friends, give them a can of goodness and begin hurling blunt objects at them (not sharp ones, we aren’t animals).
Pros:
- If someone is holding a can of Monster, you will know they are a bit of a flop without needing to talk to them.
- Lots of different coloured cans for your children.
- Comes in 500ml servings so you can feel all tingly and anxious.
- Helps you empty your bowels.
- A full 500ml can also doubles as a throwing weapon.
Cons:
- If you hold a can of Monster, people will know you are a bit of a flop without needing to talk to you.
- Anxiety isn’t that fun.
- Neither is shitting yourself.
- May kill you if you’re over 90 (or 80).
- They taste like battery acid mixed with mercury out of a thermometer.
Final Word:
Drink Redbull.
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Background:
There is supposed proof that Ancient Egyptians used reed pens back in their hey-day, but I wasn’t there so I’m not entirely sure. These pens were made from a single reed straw, which I had to google, and used ink that slid from one end, to the other. I’m surprised Ancient Egyptians had ink, but I should not digress.
They are used as things anxious people bite on, as well as things you can throw at people when you don’t want to cause any permanent damage. I’ve only recently found out people use them to write, not realising computers exist.
Pros:
- 70% of the time you are shaking them erratically, which is a great form of office cardio.
- If you get the pens that click, you are able to annoy all those around you with ease.
- Come in many colours, like myself.
- Some come with lids, which you lose almost immediately and find 5 years later. This provides a nice little flash back of the time when you had a pen with a lid.
- As mentioned earlier, if you are about to enter an anxiety inducing meeting, you can chew them and save your finger nails.
Cons:
- Not heavy enough to do any damage.
- If you still use pens, it means you’re close to your expiry date.
- No one in history has ever actually used a pen until the ink has run out, this I have proof of.
- You always break that strange clip thing on the side, that is meant to slide into notepads.
- I have messy writing.
Final Word:
Buy a laptop.