Monster Energy Drinks

Background :

An energy drink is a bundle of joy that contains stimulants, usually caffeine. Caffeine makes you go go go, and then crash crash crash. If you don’t get the sugar free versions, they also contain enough sugar to feed a family of 12 for 2 weeks.

Supposedly, caffeine enhances your reaction time and ability to pay attention. To test this out with your friends, give them a can of goodness and begin hurling blunt objects at them (not sharp ones, we aren’t animals).


  • If someone is holding a can of Monster, you will know they are a bit of a flop without needing to talk to them.
  • Lots of different coloured cans for your children.
  • Comes in 500ml servings so you can feel all tingly and anxious.
  • Helps you empty your bowels.
  • A full 500ml can also doubles as a throwing weapon.


  • If you hold a can of Monster, people will know you are a bit of a flop without needing to talk to you.
  • Anxiety isn’t that fun.
  • Neither is shitting yourself.
  • May kill you if you’re over 90 (or 80).
  • They taste like battery acid mixed with mercury out of a thermometer.

Final Word:

Drink Redbull.

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